Confessions of a Slightly Devious, But Mostly Annoying Tank

I’ve always wanted to do a sort of guilty pleasures/confessions list, and between not having time to write a decent post before work, and my desire to have a lighter, less serious post, here you go!

1. I’m a barber shop fanatic.

I’ve spent well over 200 gold on changing hairstyles on my warrior, and when I play alts, I change their hair every time I log onto them. My guild loves to tease me for this, especially since it’s the only distinctly female tendency I don’t suppress “in front of the guys.” Whatever, I mean… it’s hair, right? Even guys care about hair. Don’t.. they..?

2. I love my mini-pets.

Which is not to be confused with a mini-pet collector. I like the ones I have, and generally rotate between having my Blizzard bear, showshoe rabbit, and Siamese kitten out.

3. I’m ridiculously vain about how gear looks on my toons.

In fact, I sometimes have a hard time picking up loot that’s a clear upgrade, but considerably uglier. Case-in-point: they’re buffing the currently lackluster Wall of Terror, making it more desirable to use. Logic as a main tank tells me to switch shields when the patch is released. But.. but.. the Barricade of Eternity is so pretty! In the end I always do what’s right, but I always have some sort of internal debate over it.

4. I’ve been known to play Scatman on loop the entire time I was raiding.

I’ve been playing Scatman during raids since the beginning of BC. It makes the BEST raid music! I’m listening to it now, in fact.

5. When I play my mage alt in instances, I might be a little reckless.

Why is it when tanks actually play dps classes, they end up doing all the things they hate dps doing? I AoE too early. When tanks pull too slow for my pace, I ice lance one and frost nova at the tank’s feet. I go invisible it there’s a wipe.. especially if it’s my fault! I don’t back off the threat meter if I hear that telltale “THWOMP!” explosion from Omen, thinking, “Meh.. I’ve always got Iceblock!” I’m everything I hate, and I’m your worst nightmare, tanks. You better hope I don’t get this mage to 80!

6. I sometimes let the melee die on purpose during trash.

If someone pulls off me, believe me, I know it. I’m tabbing enough, and I’ve got enough mods to tell me when I’ve lost aggro on something, besides. Normally, I’m lightening-fast at taunting. But.. sometimes I wait until the mob has killed the person who pulled before taunting back. I’m devious, aren’t I? Makes me feel empowered! /flex

7. I’m by no means a trade troll, but I’m a general channel troll.

Random level two alt, in some random low level zone. Somebody says something stupid. You better believe I’m the first person to respond with something usually snarky and/or sarcastic. The best part of it, though, is that the people are usually too dumb to catch I’ve insulted them. I remember once rolling an alt with my boyfriend, and him looking at me all shocked saying, “You’re mean!” I don’t know why I usually do this on alts. The obvious suspected reason is that I don’t want to look bad on my main, and that’s far from true. I troll on my main on the forums, and have absolutely no respect for people who can’t voice their opinions on their mains. I’m horribly, brutally honest regardless of what character I’m on, believe me. No, the reason is I’m rarely in general on my main, and that’s the toasted toad’s truth! Besides, the general chat in 80 zones is usually raiding and/or pvp related. My preference is general stupidity, instead of flaming e-penis wars.

8. I once tried bribing a hunter to misdirect a healer*.

I wish I had a close hunter friend so I can do this all the time. There is nothing funnier than a hunter being bribed to misdirect healers*. I can’t explain why it’s funny, it just is.

*Please note, healer can be replaced by warlocks. Warlocks are funny when they die, too! (sorry, warlocks! *ducks rotten tomatoes*) And on the note of warlocks, I like to tease the warlocks in my guild by playing vigilance roulette before a boss fight. Last person I put it on before we go in, gets it for the fight. I’m mean to our warlocks, but it’s a lovable cruelty!

9. I desperately want to play a shaman at times.

Not because I enjoy the class, but because I want to screw with people and give them water walking right when they’re jumping into water. Lurker is a fantastic example. Since I can’t, I try to bribe my boyfriend, who plays an enhance shaman, to do it. The flip-side is when the guild bribes him to do it to me, and they all laugh when the tables turn. Sad face!

10. I hate gnomes.

This one isn’t so much of a guilty please as it is just a fact. I don’t know why, but I really, really, really hate gnomes. Their squeaky little voices, their appearance.. I can’t quite put my finger on it (could that be a pun?), but something about gnomes just drives me up a wall.

So, what’re your guilty pleasures/dirty secrets? We all have some! Let’s hear ’em.